Ottawa Swing Dance Society: What is Dance Etiquette?

Introduction

First you need to understand it is nobody's responsibility for you to have a good time. Not the DJ, not the teachers, not the Exec members, not the door person, and not the other dancers in the room. It is entirely up to you and your good attitude which will allow you to have fun and a good time. Everything is there for this to happen, your attitude is all that is missing, and we all hope it is a good one. How can I put it delicately… If you are in a bad mood or had a bad day for whatever reason, STAY HOME ;-) But I’m tellin’ ya: the best way to turn a bad day into a wonderful one is to come to our dances.

Before The Dance

A very good friend of mine used to say that common sense is the less common of the senses. So, even if it may sound too obvious, I’ll say it again and again and again. Good hygiene is essential! You will soon be taking a friend or stranger in your arms. Create the best impression! Dancing is intimate and you need to take special care. It sounds elementary, but we're all so busy, sometimes we can look frazzled and not even notice.

Grooming

Showers: The day of the dance or lesson, a Shower or Bath is a requirement. If you have an occupation that gets you dirty, a shower after work is needed and if you just can't take one first ... try to wash up at least before leaving work and bring some clean clothes with you and change. You will feel better and so will every one else around you. Brush your teeth to freshen your breath. Dirty clothes are not acceptable and may be reason enough to not allow you entrance. AND when your kids have colds and you go to a dance, PLEASE! wash your hands first upon your arrival even if you are late for the class.

Deodorants: Use Them !!!

If you are going to a dance and or Lesson, deodorant is a good idea. Another great idea is to carry one in your dance bag and re-apply a couple of times during the night (or every time you change your shirt).

Cologne/Perfume: Optional !

These are often times very nice and attractive; however Colognes and Perfumes are not a requirement. If you like wearing these ... do so, but please understand that not everyone likes certain smells ... Wearing of these Colognes/ Perfumes should be done sparingly. Several members of our scene present severe allergic reactions to heavy scents. A NICE, CLEAN SMELL is always preferable

Clothing: Keep It clean, clean, clean!

This is a question I get quite often on our email: I’m new to the OSDS dances. What should I wear?

Usually wearing something nice and attractive and most of all clean, clean, clean is all that is necessary. However many dancers like to dress to the 9's when they go out to dance; it is your choice. T-Shirts are OK for guys (and if it is the OSDS t-shirt even better) but shirts with a Collar are better –for us follows that is, as our hand on a very sweaty and/or sticky neck is not a very pleasant experience. For the same reason, Tank tops for guys are a big no-no; resting our arm on a sweaty arm is not a good feeling. A tip for the ladies, short tops that leave your midriff bare are just as bad.

Ladies, if wearing a Skirt or Dress that may fly up on spins or turns, dance undergarments are a must. These undergarments are available at most dance stores. Guys, if you are into wearing suits, it might be a good idea to take them to the cleaners regularly, they need washing once in a while.

The bottom line is that your outfit and accessories should be comfortable, safe, and easy to dance in. Most importantly, don't forget your dance shoes (which shouldn't damage the floor –see below).

Undershirts?
This is only a suggestion, but an undershirt will soak up sweat and the sweat will take longer to reach the outer shirt. While you might feel uncomfortable with a wet undershirt, at least your partner won't have to feel it and you look drier.

On Shoes

Bring an extra pair of Shoes

Bring a different pair of shoes to wear for dancing. They do not need to be dance shoes, but you should not have worn them while arriving at the dance. This helps to prevent damaging the floor by minimizing tracked-in dirt and sidewalk grime. This is particularly true during the winter.

For Swing dancing, flat shoes or shoes with a low heel are the best. You’ll be doing a lot of jumping around. Be kind to your feet. Also, make sure that the soles won’t leave dark mark on the dance floor.

Social Dancing (With Big Emphasis On Social)

OK - here's your multiple choice test: someone bumps you on the dance floor, so you:

a. punch him in the face

b. complain to the Exec

c. smile and apologize

We've all been there: the dance floor is crowded, it's bump-city, and you start wishing that everyone knew the rules of etiquette on the dance floor as well as you do. And then suddenly your elbow careens off of someone's shoulder, and you are horrified because this one was your own fault! Fortunately, the victim of your carelessness isn't hurt, and she smiles at you, winks, and says "OOPS, sorry!"

Following dance floor etiquette helps everyone to have fun. The rules are simple enough, but it helps if everyone is aware of them. Basically, all you have to do is be courteous and respectful of those around you.

For Leads

Look where you are going

…and be prepared for the unexpected (like the couple in front of you who didn't look before they backed up.) Leads are responsible for protecting their partners. (Remember it's always the leader's fault.)

If you bump into someone, smile and apologize.

If someone bumps into you, smile and apologize. If you find yourself apologizing all the time, maybe the problem isn't just "everybody else." If you find yourself smiling all the time, well, good.

Leads Moving/Kicking Backwards:

Leads, never move or kick backwards until you check that the area is clear! Usually, it happens halfway through a move that started out forward, so you are not as attentive to danger as usual -- get attentive! Note to others: If you see a guy moving or kicking backwards towards you, assume that he does NOT know what he's doing and, for your and your partner's safety, get out of the way.

Also, it is the lead’s responsibility to think about where to place the partner. Do NOT throw her into nearby dancers or spectators. If she hits someone, it's the lead's fault (yeah, I know I’ve said it a couple of times already but it is very important and I can’t emphasize it enough). The follow should not step on the feet of a spectator standing on the sidelines because the leader should not put her there.

Also, many men mistake the term ‘lead’ as ‘force’ and push and pull their partners around the floor, causing the lady to stumble on moves they are not expecting. You can seriously hurt your partner and most likely she won’t want to dance with you again. Ever! And I wouldn’t blame her.

After a Song

Etiquette dictates that the lead escorts the follow off the floor. Sometimes this means you miss a chance to ask a specific person for the next dance, but that is the price for good manners. Do not leave her on the dance floor alone after the dance!

For Follows

On asking a guy

Sometimes I see ladies (and much to my shame, I must admit that I did it a couple of times when I first started dancing) start tapping on a guy’s shoulder when the music is barely over.

Nowadays, when the art of dancing --like that of tying one's tie or learning how to play the piano, is no longer an essential part of a gentleman's education-- men often find themselves sadly outnumbered on the dance floor.

Still, the scarcity of partners at a dance is no excuse for a lady to pounce on an available gent the instant the music ends. Aside from being rude, it can give weaker-minded guys what is colloquially known as a swelled head. Consider this, ladies: is it healthy for a man to believe that he deserves such attention?

As a gentleman, there is little you can do in this situation except to smile graciously at the offender, accept her proposal unless committed to another, and ask her to wait a moment so that you can walk your current partner off the dance floor.

For Everybody

If you are not dancing, don't stand on the dance floor.

Also, don't carry drinks onto the dance floor. Please report spills immediately.

Politeness counts!

Everyone likes to be appreciated so don't forget to smile and thank your dance partner for a nice dance. People remember kindness (or rudeness) forever and it may be important if you ever ask that person for a future dance. That clumsy beginner might become the next touring professional.

Never criticize

It seems strange to write this one down since it should be common sense but some people forget that dancing is supposed to be fun. Some people have forgotten how it was to be a beginner; beginners need encouragement so they'll come back and continue dancing. Some people are extremely sensitive about moving their bodies to music in front of other people and can be scared off by criticism. It was hard enough to get them out on the dance floor! That partner who was just criticized will remember you if you ever ask him/her for a dance in the future.

So! Please don't criticize your dancing partner or correct them on the dance floor. We all learn at different speeds and we need to remain supportive of one another. And most of all never blame your partner for missteps.

Be aware of the unspoken criticism. If you ask someone (particularly a beginner) how long they've been dancing, do *NOT* respond with a saddened "oh" because that implies that you're disappointed either with their progress, their level, or how long they've been dancing. Always answer with a positive (encouraging) tone and message in your voice.

Smile!
If you're smiling because you're having fun, your partner will be encouraged to dance with confidence because they know they're dancing well enough to make you have a good time. Believe me; I know what I’m talking about.

A different kind of politeness

Consideration for your partner is very important. Consideration for the people around you is almost just as important. Never end up in the middle of a dancing couple. Do not interrupt other people's dancing and stay out of their way.

Dance Level

Dance at your partner’s level. If you are unfamiliar with your partner, start basic and work up. The goal is for both individuals to have fun, not outdo each other.

On thanking your partner

Saying "thank you" has nothing to do with gender. Rather, the person who asked the other to dance should thank his or her partner for the pleasure. Since in the past this was always the gentleman, many people think the guys should always tender his gratitude to his partner, even if dancing with the lady was not his idea. But if the lady initiated the contact, it is proper for her to offer her thanks.

Not that there is ever anything wrong with the asked party saying "thank you," or "that was fun" or something else appreciative. It is always good manners to make another person feel comfortable. I always do, anyway. And it pays…. Big time!

Crowded Floor

Dance to fit the conditions. Show concern for others. Crowded floors require controlled moves and small steps, especially back steps.

Leaders must be aware of who is in your space. The leader is responsible to place the follower into safe space.

Personal Space

You may see some dancers use a very close dance position. For my part, I don’t have any personal space whatsoever. However, not everyone is comfortable dancing so close to someone he or she might not know. As a general rule, the dancer who needs the most personal space should set the appropriate distance in closed position. Since experienced dancers are usually comfortable dancing more closely, they must pay particular attention to giving less experienced dancers enough space. When leading, you should try to sense how much space your partner needs; if you try to lead your partner into Balboa and you sense resistance, don't try to force it--simply switch to another dance or dance position. When following, the left hand can be useful to help keep your partner at the distance you prefer; you are never obligated to dance closer than you feel comfortable.

Aerials

No aerials on the social dance floor. Aerials really are specialized choreography that the partners both need to know, and that requires a lot more space than is usually available on the social dance floor. Aerial are only permitted in Jam circles. A piece of advice: never try an aerial unless you have practiced it many times with your partner.

Be a good neighbour on the dance floor.

Today's beginners will be the good dancers of tomorrow, so be nice to them and dance with them.

No unsolicited teaching on the floor!

NEVER offer instruction, unless your partner explicitly and repeatedly demands that you do so. (Do all instructing on the sidelines, by the way, never on the dance floor.)

Finally, there is no excuse for "road rage" on the dance floor.

If you see someone breaking the rules, let it go. Maybe he isn't aware of the rules, maybe she's trying her best, but it's unlikely he really is a jerk who simply enjoys getting in your way. We all make mistakes. Getting angry isn't going to solve anything, nor is trying to teach the offender a lesson by being discourteous to him. Smile, and apologize. One big exception is when breaking the rules become a recognizable pattern. In that case, please talk to us. Bring it to the attention of an Exec member and we’ll deal with the offender.

On Asking Someone To Dance

Who may ask for a dance?

Both men and women may ask someone for a dance. "Would you like to dance?" should do but anything even remotely resembling it is OK as well.

Note: People have a mild natural tendency to dance with people they already know, just because it's easier. This gives an initial appearance of cliquishness at our dances -- but in almost all cases it's a false impression, and most dancers are happy to dance with anyone. So just ask for a dance! Don’t forget to ask Exec members and DJs. We’d love to dance with you too J

Be specific!

Always ask one particular person to dance. Do not go up to 2 people standing together and ask, "Would either of you care to dance?" What will happen is each of them will hesitate and defer politely to the other, but you'll see it as total rejection.

On the other hand, sometimes the only reasonable option is to go up to 2 or more people standing together and ask "Would any of you like to dance?" Should you choose to do this, be prepared for an embarrassingly long period (it's only a few seconds, but it feels like forever) while the people go back and forth, checking politely and nonverbally with each other to see if anyone has a strong preference one way or the other. At some point, each and every one of them will defer to the others, and you'll feel like an idiot the entire time this is happening. Just stand there and keep smiling, and eventually someone will say yes. Hopefully. Just kidding, they will.

How many songs in a row?

Dance one song with someone, and then change partners. Maybe two in a row, but not more than that. Besides, the more people you dance with the better dancer you’ll become.

On Saying Yes (Or No)

Say Yes!

If someone asks you to dance, say yes! The only good reasons to sit out are if you are physically exhausted, you need to get water or use the restroom, or you are injured. In other words, do not decline a dance unless you absolutely have to. It's friendlier to say yes, and the dance is only 3 minutes, so it won't kill you.

Say No... (if you must)

If anyone has a history of invading your personal space, dancing too forcefully, causing you pain, monopolizing your time, or is someone who just generally bothers you for any reason, you are not obligated to accept an invitation to dance with him/her. Etiquette strongly supports you in saying no if the person is dangerous or offensive (physically, morally or olfactorily), or if you've promised the dance to someone else already, or if you are resting or heading for the restroom.

However, keep in mind that if you do turn someone down, it's considered very rude to then accept an invitation to dance from someone else during that song. Also, if you had a good reason for declining, you should seek the person you turned down later and ask him/her to dance.

How to say no

If you want to say no to someone who asks you to dance, do so. It's your life and limbs. Etiquette explicitly says that you do not have to give reasons, despite the strong North-American fondness for doing so. Something like, "No thank you, not just now; perhaps later" works fine. (You can keep saying it all night, but then what would be the point of being there) Add a smile to mitigate the blow. Then wait out the whole song. Some people are saying that a modern approach allows you to wait about 20 seconds before you dash onto the dance floor with someone else. I think this is plain rude as it takes more than 20 seconds to catch your breath or go to the restroom to freshen up or whatever reason you gave.

When someone says no to you

If someone declines to dance with you, accept it graciously. Around here, you can almost be certain that there is a good reason for this -Swing dancers (especially Ottawans) are remarkably nice in general. For example, if you get rejected right after a fast song, chances are the person is genuinely fatigued. Wait about two songs and then ask again. When to give up and assume it's personal? My common sense tells me that if someone declines 3 times without offering a compensating alternative (such as "next song, okay?"), you should probably forget about it.

On Dancing With Partners Of All Skill Levels

Overcome your shyness and do it. It's good for you. And it makes everyone a better dancer sooner, which means more fun the next time out.

Dancing with someone LESS skilled than you

Be gracious - stick to stuff she or he can handle, and then, when you are comfortable with each other's dancing, slip in something one degree harder, and then (maybe) two degrees harder. Come back to those one or two things until your partner is comfortable with them. Never over-dance your partner's capabilities. Always try to make your partner look and feel like a terrific dancer.

Dancing with someone MORE skilled than you

Concentrate! Smile! Do your best! Suppress the urge to apologize, except maybe once per song just to get it out of your system. Don't worry if you mess up things -- the second or third time they happen you'll get the hang of them. My good friend Byron –you know, the former serious SAF member and now our very own (still very serious), says that if you’re about to dance with a more-skilled-than-you dancer the first thing you should do is to step on his/her toes. After that things can only get better for you J

When The Song Ends

APPLAUD THE BAND EVERY TIME (many people rudely forget).
It is not necessary to applaud the DJ after every song although as a DJ I can tell you that an applause at the end of the night (or the set) feels kinda nice (**warm and fuzzy feeling inside**)
Thank your partner with something like, "Thanks for the dance!"
Walk your partner back to the sidelines.

TOUCHY ISSUES (A.K.A. Danger, Will Robinson!)

Physical danger

If you are being hurt during a song, stop dancing and head for the sidelines -- even if it's the middle of a song. Say something along the lines of, "Gee, my shoulder suddenly seems to be hurting" if you are timid, or, if you are more straightforward, "Excuse me, but you've hurt my arm. I'm going to stop now." And then walk away -- it's not a discussion; it's not a negotiation; and you do not need permission or approval from the offender to stop dancing with him/her.

Fondling and groping

Same principle applies if you are being fondled in ways you dislike: stop dancing, say something to the person, and head for the sidelines. How can you know if the groping was intended or accidental? Trust your feelings, my little grasshopper -- you will be correct 99.99 percent of the time. Yes, there are one or two gropers on every dance scene but we work hard to avoid this on ours.

We strongly encourage the victims of gropers to say something: to the creep, to any exec member, if you want it handled quietly and anonymously. And to everyone else you know. If you don't, a lot of other people are going to get victimized -- and you could have prevented it.

At Some Point During The Night

Multiple shirts

Bring at least one extra shirt (some people bring 3-5 shirts) to dances and change them often. This works both ways. Leads and Follows appreciate that when they have to put their hands on your shoulders/back, they’re dry. The interval spent changing shirts in the restroom is a great opportunity to put more deodorant on, splash your face and neck with water, take a break and talk to some friends/fellow dancers.

Towels?
If you are the type that perspires a lot while dancing a good thing to do is bring a "Clean" hand towel with you to wipe the perspiration off in between dances ... you can keep it on the side to dry off after a dance. Your next dance partner will appreciate it!

Perspiration: Keep’ em Dry !

If a towel is not available, say you forgot it or you don’t want to carry a sweaty towel after the dance, use the restroom sink and paper towels (yes, use the water.) And while you’re at it, don’t forget to replenish the deodorant.

The funny thing is that people can't tell themselves if they smell bad; their dance partners, on the other hand... Don't take chances.

Nails

Eh? Are we getting picky here now? Not really. Long nails pose a serious danger in any kind of partner dancing because of the lengthy time that hands are in contact. Another problem is the death-grip". The Death-Grip is typically a problem with beginners who forget to relax their hands. It's extremely difficult to dance with someone if they have a tight grip on their partner's hand: doing an underarm turn is pretty much impossible. One helpful hint is "NO THUMBS!!!!". If your thumb is kept away from the hands, it's very hard to get a "death-grip" on your partner's hand so it's easier to dance and the nails don't dig into your partner's hand. As a rule of thumb, keep those nails clipped and you will be keeping the probability of injury to a minimum.

From my point of view, you should ask yourself the following questions at the end of a dance:

Is my dance partner smiling?

Did she (or he) have a good time?

Did the two of you look like you were dancing *together*?

If you answered yes to all of the above, you've done well.

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What is Dance Etiquette?